Dear Sapphire Lorelei Welka,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As_8Bb0bVNY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYZ3W4DJVks
Especially consider your experiences and if you have any children of your own, steps you can take to ground yourself with sanity such that your and their reality is not also toxic, destructive and abusive as your own experiences.
Be strong.
Respect yourself.
Sincerely,
Jason Khanlar